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 Top Reasons for Ditching Your RP Partner
OdeToTheCastIronSkillet
 Posted: Aug 11 2014, 04:40 PM
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Pretty self explanatory. We've ALL done it. Don't lie! I wanna see what the most common problems are.

I ditch when:

1. The person does not write a post I can reply to. Rather than trying to further interaction between our characters, the person will write dead-ends that require my character to initiate something. I'll give a pass a few times, but if it keeps happening, I'll end it pretty quick.

2. It becomes clear that my partner is more interested in their character showing off and being "cool", than actually getting down and rping with me.

3. When, during the planning process, getting ideas out of the other person is like pulling teeth.
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EVA
 Posted: Aug 12 2014, 12:31 PM
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Oh, good topic!
I've definitely ditched more than once. I'm certainly not proud of it, but like you said... A lot of people do it for one reason or another. We're all human.

I can definitely relate to number three. If I'm the only one putting effort into plotting something out, I'll just leave... It makes me want to ask "Why did you even contact me?!"

I'll also leave if:

+the person isn't particularly friendly. I get that some people aren't game to talk ooc, and I won't pressure someone into small chat. If you make an effort to talk to me and then act like an asshat in the process, you're outta here, bud. There are some great people in the rp world. Not going to waste any time.
+we've talked through the entire plot, planned everything out (meaning, they've "yes", "mhmm"-ed, and "okay"-ed to everything I've mentioned) and now we start writing... And they're not even close to following the story or using a character that would make sense in this story. This one happens more often than it should. ;^;
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OdeToTheCastIronSkillet
 Posted: Aug 12 2014, 10:20 PM
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QUOTE (EVA @ Aug 12 2014, 12:31 PM)
Oh, good topic!
I've definitely ditched more than once. I'm certainly not proud of it, but like you said... A lot of people do it for one reason or another. We're all human.

I can definitely relate to number three. If I'm the only one putting effort into plotting something out, I'll just leave... It makes me want to ask "Why did you even contact me?!"

I'll also leave if:

+the person isn't particularly friendly. I get that some people aren't game to talk ooc, and I won't pressure someone into small chat. If you make an effort to talk to me and then act like an asshat in the process, you're outta here, bud. There are some great people in the rp world. Not going to waste any time.
+we've talked through the entire plot, planned everything out (meaning, they've "yes", "mhmm"-ed, and "okay"-ed to everything I've mentioned) and now we start writing... And they're not even close to following the story or using a character that would make sense in this story. This one happens more often than it should. ;^;


That's interesting. The last two have yet to happen to me, but then again, I'm just jumping into again. Haven't been writing for a while...

I've been trying to resist ditching as much as possible. Sometimes it's liberating to just go with it, let go. If I really can't stand it, I send an as-polite-as-possible goodbye email.
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XANDER
 Posted: Aug 15 2014, 08:22 AM
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Honestly I always end up being curious why people ditch me! Like anybody is, I guess. I figure it's because some people are BORED by my writing? But tell me why man. Tell me so I can bedazzle my writing more.

I think the biggest thing that keeps me from replying to people is when I feel like I could write the whole thread by myself. If the replies of a roleplay feel predictable to me -- if I can dissect a character and/or roleplayer and I just know how they're going to write -- I am just so saddened that I give up. I try to stick around long enough for people to surprise me, but :"( . Roleplay ennui 2 the max yo.

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Lar
 Posted: Aug 15 2014, 10:25 AM
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For me it's a 50/50 split between them not being good enough and me not feeling it. I'm insecure and my wellsprings of inspiration are fickle—there are times when I read someone else's post and I realize I'm just not invested in what's going on. Usually I'll set it aside for a day or two and then try again but sometimes it just doesn't get done. Sometimes I'm intimidated by the kickass people I'm writing with and I don't want to let them down with a shitty post so I stew quietly and then vanish into the ether. (See insecure, above.)

Generally, the faults I'll ditch people for are:
— writing without a voice. If your writing is really generic and unremarkable and lacks flow I'll probably give up after a couple posts.
— same thing if your character doesn't have any dimension.
— If the very first thing you want to talk about is the sex of our characters and whether they'll be compatible for banging, we won't even make it to writing. Don't get me wrong, I like romance/smut in rps when it happens, but I don't want it to be the very first thing we plot for.
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Lucyfer
 Posted: Aug 16 2014, 07:06 PM
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QUOTE (Lar @ Aug 15 2014, 10:25 AM)

— If the very first thing you want to talk about is the sex of our characters and whether they'll be compatible for banging, we won't even make it to writing. Don't get me wrong, I like romance/smut in rps when it happens, but I don't want it to be the very first thing we plot for.


That is one of my main reasons. If it becomes clear the person is only/mainly focused on the smut/romance aspect, I tend to ditch.

The other reason I've ditched people over...

--The individual turns out to not be literate, or ignores things I wrote in my post frequently to make it fit their own needs. These two usually go together, so 'tis a mix of minor god-modding and writing incomprehensible posts. I can deal with spelling and grammatical issues, but dear god...sometimes it is too much.

--Lack of investment. It happens with me too, and usually means I am bored with the RP, and it becomes a "job" to respond.

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EVA
 Posted: Aug 17 2014, 09:53 AM
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QUOTE (Lar @ Aug 15 2014, 10:25 AM)

— If the very first thing you want to talk about is the sex of our characters and whether they'll be compatible for banging, we won't even make it to writing. Don't get me wrong, I like romance/smut in rps when it happens, but I don't want it to be the very first thing we plot for.


Exaccccctly.

Oh! Another.
If we've been writing third person, past tense the entire story and you suddenly switch to first person, present tense when there's a sex scene... Nah, man.
I don't mind switching tenses or our writing style mid-story if there's something else that might be more comfortable... But when you lose sight that we're writing characters , I'm out.

I do my best to fix things, of course. If I see my partner isn't on track with the story (magic in a realistic rp) or if they just don't seem to have it any more, I'll definitely see what alternatives we work out. I'll take one great partner over a thousand decent ones any day! If you give off a non-friendly vibe in the planning process and I don't feel like I can approach you, I'll probably fade quietly off into the night. :< I hate being guilted because I'm not interested in writing.
(Read: I'm also very bad at turning down ideas/characters that I'm not super thrilled with.)
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Poette
 Posted: Aug 5 2015, 01:18 AM
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Thoughts on the "Leave Without a Word vs List Your Grievances Goodbye Letter:"
  
These days, I usually write a note to people when I’m done rping with them to varying degrees of success. I’ve heard people say they really wish someone would tell them when they were through, but with some of the responses I’ve had, I’m beginning to wonder if that is what people really want after all. Most of the time, I get silence on the other end from people, sometimes I get yelled at, and then later forgiven. It’s more final to send them a ‘do not rp’ notice, and like being broken up with, people get hurt in the process. It’s rejection—and you know the reason why, but instead of being given a chance to change, you’re forced to face the break up and move on. Or, conversely, you disagree with the reason, and are hurt that someone thinks you’re writing isn’t good enough in some way.

The silence and unresponsiveness is rude and impersonal and avoids the awkwardness of penning out your reasons why (if you think someone should try to improve) or just cutting them off coldly. It’s harder to balance politeness, sincerity, and forceful ‘I am just done with this, please don’t contact me again.’ You can go halfway and say ‘I can’t do this right now, maybe some other time’ and someone can contact you again, and you have to end up saying ‘Now isn’t right either’ until they get the message, but it’s such a delicate orchestration.

We’re all out here rping for similar but different reasons. But most of us at the end of the day don’t want our feelings hurt for being inadequate. For some of us, it’s just a pastime. For some of us, it’s a way to write ‘a novel’ without doing it alone. For others, it’s just to keep in practice with writing and get a good story going.

But the nature of this game is that not all partners are right for you. Rejection is built into the system. That, of course, does not make us any thicker skinned for it. Sometimes I just wonder if people really want to know why. I guess if it’s something they can improve upon, then yes. But if it is more abstract-- well…?

That being said, I (usually) have no idea why anyone leaves me. In my mind, it mostly boils down to a lack of commitment or motivation. Something just isn’t working out, or someone has lost interest or become swamped by life. Communication is pretty key to keeping things going.


ANYWAYS reasons I leave people:

When I feel like I’m putting in more effort, time, energy, thought processes, planning, character development etc into the rp.
  
I have had partners just volley posts back to me without really considering how to develop that character or go beyond ‘this is a scene, there is an action, character must respond’ every time. I eventually get exhausted trying to (not-so-)subtly write more and encourage their character to develop through my passive aggressive posts.


When planning starts off sexual.
  
Sub/Dom? If that is my character’s most important characteristic, I will be having intense difficulties finding the sensibility in proceeding.


When it turns sexual and stays sexual.
  
To the point that someone pouts when they don’t get their way and turn the rp back to sex.


When my partner is over enthusiastic.
  
Pestering me for a reply after a day is not going to work. I’m more of a ‘reply when you can, life is first and foremost,’ whether it’s a day or a month or heck, 3 months (and I really like the rp and you’ve genuinely communicated that you are still interested). It’s just a matter of someone being pushy and needy and sometimes that stems from a place of insecurity—sometimes from boredom. It happens. But if you know I’m the type to reply a certain way, don’t be a squirrel and pretend you forgot that I will not succumb to your tactics.


When my partner is too needy and insecure.
  
People develop a certain way through our interactions with other partners. Getting fearful that you might be left to the point of clinging to the next partner too much might actually get you dumped again.


When the tone of OOC conversation is…
  
…too indecisive
…rude
…pushy
…overly personal
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Bleedpretty
 Posted: Aug 5 2015, 07:59 AM
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Most of my reasons actually line up with Poette's.

Anymore I thoroughly believe in 'breaking up'. I used to be the sort to just flake and never respond, but that's not very fair or mature in the end. If we've gotten to where we've at least exchanged a few replies I will send a 'hey this isn't working' note. Most of the time if they ask to try another plot I will give it a go unless it's just apparent to me that the writing styles clash. Sometimes I also end things because I'm just not in the mental state to keep up. This doesn't happen all the time but it does happen and occasionally I'll have to pick through my roleplays and decide which I could live without and which I don't want to.
These days I want a break up note if someone is no longer interested. I know some people take it personally but I do not. I just want to know that you're done, don't leave me hanging. I'm not sure how many people have had a long term partner up and vanish on them but it's really rough, especially if you feel close and you're both constantly talking about how much you love the roleplay! I've only had it happen once with someone I wrote with for over 6 months, but it was so confusing and I still wonder what happened. I get it, life occurs, but we used to talk daily and then she just stopped responding to my IMs. She had sent me packages, we'd talked on mic over skype... It makes me wonder if I inadvertently said/did something in which case I'd like to be told so I can apologize and at least know what happened.

-The sexual planning thing also makes me feel weird. If you mention sex during the planning or really any part of the brainstorming process, I'll probably shy away. I usually like to make it clear that I prefer certain things romantically, but it's always an 'IF' and it doesn't ever have to lead to that. I just want to write a fun story! I don't mind smut scenes, but I don't want them to rule the roleplay. That just doesn't do it for me in the least. If there is no meat to the story then I get bored fast, and without reason behind smut I get nothing out of it. I'm much more interested in the characters.

-Overly enthusiastic is a thing for me too. I'm happy to plan and be total geeks about the story but the fastest way to lose me is to pester for a response. I really don't like it and it makes me sort of want to cringe and withdraw. I'm very much like Poette in that regard as well, I just want to write at my leisure. Sometimes I'll reply in hours, sometimes it takes me a few weeks.

-Something feels flat about the characters and or their interactions. The story could be extremely interesting, but if the characters don't do it for me then I'll be bored to tears. If it ever feels like work, I don't want any part of it.


Maybe I should have just quoted Poette's post honestly.

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And with soft deceitful wiles.
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always_xo
 Posted: Aug 5 2015, 01:20 PM
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This is a topic true to my heart because I have been hurt when the roleplay "breakup" happens and I have also ended roleplays abruptly. I'm actually terrible at telling people I no longer wish to roleplay. I sort of just stop replying. Here are some of the reasons I stop replying:

1) Replies, man, replies. If someone is sending me just a few sentences without actually furthering the plot, I get so bored. I'm one to reply with minimal words given to me, as long as it is furthering the plot. When it's just basically dialogue and awkward shifting, I tend to lose interest quick.

2) I like to roleplay with people who have cooperative characters. Of course I love asshole characters and characters who are stubborn. But if I feel like your character is so uninterested in my character whether it be romantically, platonically or even in a situation where the two are supposed to be enemies and your character basically ignores my character, I'll normally ditch. If I am in a conversation with someone in real life and they seem uninterested and rude (and even weird), I'm going to walk away. If that makes sense?

3) Smut centric roleplays. I love smut, and I can even get behind it happening rather quickly in a roleplay, but if that's as far as it goes and it becomes a sex-only roleplay, I'm out. I plot all my roleplays and if I took the time to plot with you, I am excited about the plot. Smut is not a plot driver. If we plotted two girls in open relationships who fall for each other, I want them to be watching movies and going to the park. There's more to the human experience then sex. Even in romance novels, there is more than sex.

4) If you're an asshole. I mean this in the nicest way possible. For example, I often lose e-mails and will reply a week later asking if you're still interested. If you simply get frustrated that I never replied and become short and tempered, I will not reply. I dislike grumpy people. I deal with them all day at work, I don't want to have to deal with them when I'm in my stress-reducing zone. It's cool if you don't want to chat OOC, but at least try not to one word me or be super short.

5) The roleplay isn't going where I thought it would. Often times this is hand in hand with late replies from me. Like if it's been a few days. Like I said earlier, if we plotted out an idea, and I am trying to progress that idea and it's still just unmoving, I get a bit bored.

6) I forgot about the roleplay (or don't receive the e-mail). Like I said, I often lose e-mails. Often times, I love the roleplay. The e-mail could have been misplaced or I could have sorted it out wrong. The mailer may not have delivered it even. Long story short, it happens. It makes it look like I disappeared when I had no intention. This is why it's always good to contact me if you haven't heard from me in a while. It has happened with most of my best roleplays.


I don't know if most of this made sense. I've been up since three from working so my mind is not acting logically and linearly.
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Xyshurondor
 Posted: Dec 7 2015, 06:05 PM
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I've had Eva's "switching to first person during sex scene" thing happen! I ditched on it as fast as I could. I am not here to jerk off the other player, and my characters are not me (frequently they're not even the same gender, orientation or species!). This is also why I don't offer first person as an option. I'm writing a story, not creating a personal wank-surrogate.

I always send a note saying it's not working for me and I don't want to continue. Sometimes I feel like I've kicked a puppy, but I hate being left in limbo, so I try not to do that to other people.

I left one recently after roleplaying for a few days because the person's grammar and syntax just kept gradually getting worse and worse. Their first post was reasonably literate, but then they just seemed to stop proofreading or paying the slightest attention to what they were typing, and it got less and less comprehensible.

I've had people ditch on me a few times now. In at least one case I'm pretty sure it was because my character was literally unfuckable without an "unsexy" workaround (she's a mutant with poisonous fluids; I'm playing a male version with someone else who has so far stuck around). We did some brainstorming, I wrote this whole long action intro for her, left an opening for them to jump in and fight off the monster, and they never replied.

I don't mind doing more work than the other person as long as they're responsive. I love GMing, and I never run out of story ideas. It's just that those story ideas usually are not "my character falls in love with your character because she is so awesome even though she's an angsty jerk."
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TheChosenTrash
 Posted: Dec 29 2016, 01:12 PM
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I'm trying to get better about this, because I've done it a few times, usually only a few days to a week into the RP. It's usually because everything seemed fine and dandy in the planning stage, but then when the RP starts, it turns out that out writing styles and/or characters are not compatible. I've had partners (quite often) who start out writing a whole paragraph, then a week later they're sending me two sentences. Then, I'll try to get something happening, but their character is just unresponsive to it.
I find that dull characters really play into it--maybe disconnection is part of who your character is, maybe they're depressed and seem dull, but if that's the case, I need to know it! Otherwise, your character being totally unresponsive to whatever situation our characters are in just feels boring. I like getting detailed backgrounds, I like knowing why a character acts the way they do--I try to provide my RP characters with that, and it can be frustrating not to get that in return. Does that make sense, or am I just weird?
On a similar note, another thing I see a lot (often from the same people I see the above issues with) is a lack of solid personality in a character. That is, their character seems to like something different every time the scene changes or changes personalities depending on the situation. It's hard for me to write with a partner whose character is like that, which is partially why I try to think my replies through pretty thoroughly--I'm not writing a novel, I'm writing one or two paragraphs, but everything my character does has thought behind it. I know my character, I know what they like, what their personality is like, so if I realize my character is doing something a little OOC or having a generic reaction, I'll erase and think to myself (for example) "Okay, but what would Skylar really do?" Sometimes I'll ever compare that to the type of reaction another one of my characters would have, in an effort to make sure none of my characters are becoming mary-sues or something. I guess that's what this whole post boils down to--Mary-sues and Gary Stus. Does any of it make sense? I'm sorry if it's ramble-y >.<
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Bertha
 Posted: Dec 29 2016, 05:30 PM
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Love this thread!

A lot of the reasons I've ditched have been mentioned, like I'm carrying the plot, or we clearly have very different ideas of where this was meant to go.

However, these haven't been mentioned:

--I'm afraid of acting out of character, or derailing the plot if I don't. Sometimes, I get an idea in my head, and it absolutely fascinates me, but I can't tell whether it would be out of character or not. Other times, a character ends up in an ultimatum situation, and the only choice that would be consistent would send the plot in a totally different direction than discussed.

When I feel like I can't write the character within the parameters of their personality, I often feel stuck and just... never write again.

--I realize I have no idea where the other person wants the plot to go. Like, once I was doing a modern beauty of the beast spinoff, and my character, the mobster, took the "Belle" character home to show her off. Then I realized I had no idea where the other person wanted the plot to go. Romantic? Abusive? Fearful? Roaring-twenties style mob intrigue? There were so many cool places to take it, but I really didn't know what my partner would be comfortable with.

So why didn't I just ask? Well, we'd already plotted, and I worried my partner would feel it was beating a dead horse. Or, worse, that they'd just say that they were good with anything and I'd still be in the abyss.
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SithLordOfSnark
 Posted: Jan 5 2017, 04:02 PM
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If I ditch, it's because I never got the last reply. Otherwise, if I want to quit a roleplay, I ALWAYS tell my partner.
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eurekagold
 Posted: Jul 4 2017, 01:02 AM
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Reasons I will always end the RP
1. My partner writes very passively and makes me drag the plot along. I understand having bad days, or even a scene in which you are not feeling it so much. I have had those, and I lean on my partner to help me out of them. Otherwise, I am typically very active in contributing to the plot, but I want to RP, not write a novel.

2. The character(s) are flat and/or unoriginal, characters who are too perfect (including not using supposed flaws in the actual RP), or characters who never grow. Basing a character on a particular idea or trait is fine. Making them all about that particular idea or trait is not. I love characters who mess things up, learn from them, develop, and grow. I love characters with a reason for their quirks and personalities. I love mixing up tropes, turning expectations on their head, and putting together different character traits that are often not found together in RP characters. I have a half-vampire who accidentally summoned Lucifer by doing embroidery; a very opinionated biochemsit with a prosthetic leg; a sort of moronic sorceress who decided the only way to find a man was to force a dragon to 'capture' her so a knight had to rescue her; and a gay linguist werewolf who thinks he is a complete monster. Give me unique characters, please!

3. My partner's post is mostly exposition or describing every minute detail of the scene, with little to develop the character by character actions, etc. Finesse is important. I hate purple prose and rambling descriptions of scenes where they are not needed. If it is a description of something I am unlikely to know, sure, go for it. You don't have to describe everyday scenes in that much detail, though.

4. The RP is all about sex. Sex is fine. It happens. I play almost entirely romance RPs, so sex is typically an eventuality. That being said, I won't play anything just for the sake of including it. If it does not fit the plot and characters, don't use it. The same goes for violence and language. If your character is a fowl-mouthed individual who is used to cussing, and you make it believable, I have no problem with it. If you throw it in just to be "edgy", it is going to show.


Reasons I Sometimes Ditch
1. My partners takes too long to get back to me, and I completely lose where I was going with the plot. If I really love the RP, I will try to rescue it, but if I was not enamored with it, it's probably going to end.

2. My partner wants to force doubling. If it fits the plot perfectly, great. If a side character is elevated to a main naturally, great. If there is a perfect place to slide a second pair in, great. All of these things are dependent upon my partner being able to invest equal energy into both pairs, though. Why even bother doubling if you are not going to put the same effort into both? If it is a matter of my partner trying to come out of their comfort zone to write a new pairing, gender, whatever, I will be much more lenient about this. I like to encourage people to further develop their skills.

3. My partner's replies are vastly smaller than mine. I have no minimum or maximum. I write whatever fits the scene. However, if I write four paragraphs, and I get back three sentences, it is VERY unlikely the other person did anything to help the plot move along. They probably also ignored half of what I wrote. I have yet to find someone who can fit moving the plot forward, needed dialogue/actions, continued character development (inner thoughts, actions, words, whatever), and any necessary scene additions in less than a solid, five-sentence paragraph.

4. They don't talk at all OOC. I get most of my plot ideas from back-and-forth OOC dialogue. I love to stick characters into funny OOC situations, which may or may not ever happen in the RP. It helps me better understand them and come up with new things to toss at them. While this level is not strictly necessary, SOME kind of OOC dialogue almost always is, as plots grow tired and get points where they get stuck. I have had a couple partners who clicked very well with me, and we were able to keep plots moving forward with little to no OOC discussion, but this is not the norm.

And the dreaded...
My email likes to eat replies. I get so angry when I write this great reply, and it just disappears. It is difficult for me to recapture that. If I am already kind of on the fence about the RP, I might just take it as a sign to end it.



All those things being said, I do try to always tell my partner that I have to end the RP. I don't like leaving people hanging. So if I seem to just vanish, likely a reply got eaten on one of our ends, and my scattered brain just went with out of sight, out of mind.

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